So today, I was not feeling ok with myself. In fact, I'm finding that to be true more and more. On one hand, it's really great to be conscious of this stuff, right!? Then on another hand, it's kind of well... Let's just say, a polite reminder that I've got work to do if I'm going to take responsibility for my life.
- I sat today and thought.
I thought about random things, cool things, things I want, things that are happening and all other kinds of crazy, cool surface things. Things, things, things… Yes, and more things! Then somehow, I began to sense something deeper something that seemed to be behind my thoughts… Something that definitely had an energetic presence but didn't have any real words to speak of or at least that I could comprehend because this presence, seemed to live behind the thoughts swirling in my head. So you may ask, how could that be? Well, I asked the same question and in order to find out, I had to sit with it... So, I just dropped in.
It was there, in sitting with my feelings, I found myself underneath the stories. I was smack-dab right in the middle of an awareness that eluded me! I fell into a pocket of some kind of clarity, a definite knowing that something else was going on but I was not quite on the same page with it yet. I couldn't quite grasp the concept but somehow, this energetic presence- this wordless void, seemed very familiar. In fact, it was eerily familiar…
Then I realized, I knew this feeling. I didn't know the language but I knew it's pattern and it was a pattern that I've felt over and over again, for a very long time. When we are unaware of our seamless, exhaustive repetitions of old thought patterns, they move into our feeling centers and then those feelings get comfortable inside us. When this happens, the dialog no longer exists, it just becomes pure energy.
So, what could I do!? Well, I went for an internal expedition! It was like trying to guess the secret ingredient in a deliciously baked goodie:) Like that moment when you can sniff a hint of cinnamon in a chocolate chip cookie. The cookie is still a cookie and we all love chocolate chip cookies! However, there are foundational ingredients that make up the cookies we love. Some ingredients, like eggs are essential to make the consistency of the cookie and some ingredients, like cinnamon or nutmeg we add for an explosion of taste-bud surprises!
We may still love the ole` run-of-the-mill chocolate chip cookie that has existed for decades but when we add in those surprise ingredients, we give the cookie more substance and presence. It makes us more aware of the cookie as a whole and we appreciate its flavor- this cookie stands out!
Then I thought, perhaps, this is what was happening for me? Maybe, I was being introduced to a “mind ingredient” if you will, that was either going to make my whole being explode with tasty surprises or maybe, this ingredient was familiar in a way that needed to be transformed…
Some expeditions are not done in a day and it does take time to know which ingredients work for you. Perhaps, therein, lies “the work” I mentioned to start with or maybe, even better I should say, therein lies the experience necessary in preparation for the cookie of your dreams! I guess, what is so great about these surprise ingredients is that they makes us re-member we can make our cookies any way we want, at any time we choose, and in accordance with the taste we want to experience.
Maybe not being ok, is ok- -
It obviously makes a better cookie:)
Jennifer is a truth seeker and artistic expressionist. She is a published author/poet. She is a certified emotional wellness coach, certified energy therapist, yoga/meditation instructor and intuitive.