So today, I was not feeling ok with myself. In fact, I'm finding that to be true more and more. On one hand, it's really great to be conscious of this stuff, right!? Then on another hand, it's kind of well... Let's just say, a polite reminder that I've got work to do if I'm going to take responsibility for my life.
- I sat today and thought.
I thought about random things, cool things, things I want, things that are happening and all other kinds of crazy, cool surface things. Things, things, things… Yes, and more things! Then somehow, I began to sense something deeper something that seemed to be behind my thoughts… Something that definitely had an energetic presence but didn't have any real words to speak of or at least that I could comprehend because this presence, seemed to live behind the thoughts swirling in my head. So you may ask, how could that be? Well, I asked the same question and in order to find out, I had to sit with it... So, I just dropped in.
It was there, in sitting with my feelings, I found myself underneath the stories. I was smack-dab right in the middle of an awareness that eluded me! I fell into a pocket of some kind of clarity, a definite knowing that something else was going on but I was not quite on the same page with it yet. I couldn't quite grasp the concept but somehow, this energetic presence- this wordless void, seemed very familiar. In fact, it was eerily familiar…
Then I realized, I knew this feeling. I didn't know the language but I knew it's pattern and it was a pattern that I've felt over and over again, for a very long time. When we are unaware of our seamless, exhaustive repetitions of old thought patterns, they move into our feeling centers and then those feelings get comfortable inside us. When this happens, the dialog no longer exists, it just becomes pure energy.
So, what could I do!? Well, I went for an internal expedition! It was like trying to guess the secret ingredient in a deliciously baked goodie:) Like that moment when you can sniff a hint of cinnamon in a chocolate chip cookie. The cookie is still a cookie and we all love chocolate chip cookies! However, there are foundational ingredients that make up the cookies we love. Some ingredients, like eggs are essential to make the consistency of the cookie and some ingredients, like cinnamon or nutmeg we add for an explosion of taste-bud surprises!
We may still love the ole` run-of-the-mill chocolate chip cookie that has existed for decades but when we add in those surprise ingredients, we give the cookie more substance and presence. It makes us more aware of the cookie as a whole and we appreciate its flavor- this cookie stands out!
Then I thought, perhaps, this is what was happening for me? Maybe, I was being introduced to a “mind ingredient” if you will, that was either going to make my whole being explode with tasty surprises or maybe, this ingredient was familiar in a way that needed to be transformed…
Some expeditions are not done in a day and it does take time to know which ingredients work for you. Perhaps, therein, lies “the work” I mentioned to start with or maybe, even better I should say, therein lies the experience necessary in preparation for the cookie of your dreams! I guess, what is so great about these surprise ingredients is that they makes us re-member we can make our cookies any way we want, at any time we choose, and in accordance with the taste we want to experience.
Maybe not being ok, is ok- -
It obviously makes a better cookie:)
TIS` THE SEASON OF HEART
December can be quite a magical month and fulfilling time of year. We get a chance to embrace the spirit of holidays and witness the wonder through the eyes of children and adults alike. Tis` the season of heart, when the world steps into a place of family, togetherness, and hope. It’s an end of a year that begins an active path into giving and receiving, rooted in a coming together of values and the essence of home. The season fills the atmosphere with magic; crisp air and snow falling from sky, lights aglow on streets and in homes, long gazes into loved one’s eyes by the crackles of fire and sparks of sweet-hearts. We take care, nestling into hearty foods like soups, stews, and hot chocolate. We bundle up with sweaters, scarves, blankets and loved ones and we find ourselves surround by light, the illumination of our hopes and dreams in the stillness of love within our hearts.
The heart symbolizes life, love and the engagement in partnership. The heart never leads alone... It never beats alone... One pulse follows the other in the direction of union. A sense of union requires partnership. We learn to connect and re-connect through the heart-experience, magnified between a pair of arms that allow us to reach out and touch what we love, while, cradled and comforted between two breasts that safely hold what we feel. We are given an opportunity to feel the magic of life, connection and harmony both, individually and collectively. The season of heart reminds us in order to create a spark of life, we cannot go at it alone. We simply relate and create in a blended continuum of wholeness. The heart does not beat alone... It does not lead alone... One pulse follows the other in complete unification.
This is a time of un-veiling, re-vealing, and an un-folding of self to the inner sweetness of comfort and warmth. It’s a reminder of the mother-child experience, the inner connection and bond of unconditional love. Our very own place to rest soulfully in the wonder and awe, completely disarmed and embraced in the natural state of being. The heart leads us to a clear passage and cleansing, a shedding of old, a point to nurture life and all that we live for. It is a space given in which to surrender, to lay down a clean slate, to be re-born in concept as we celebrate into the new, calm and cradled in the mother energy, inside the season of heart.
#HeartSeason #SpiritofCalm&Comfort #MotherEnergy #CradledInHeartEnergy #TistheSeasonforMagic #HeldinLight
It’s time to get out of the “cookie cutter” version of what healing should look like and shift back into our own personal guidance and experience. Sometimes, the path to healing has us feeling off center and it’s cause for questioning but we forget, feeling off center is also for good purpose. The center balances opposing sides and reveals a place of wholeness. When the scale tips toward into the wound, the other side of balance is overlooked. The gift of wholeness is to be open and available to both sides and to integrate them into conscious balance. Your personal path to healing begins inside wholeness not in one side of experience. Let’s look at pain for example. I’ve thought about pain. Pain is real. Pain is relentless. It reveals itself through the body, not just inside it. It wants to be seen. It beckons to be heard. It tugs at you every minute of every day. Pain is restrictive, trapped in the body with no space for joy and we suffer. Pain is suffering, the physical manifestation of held in, held back, shut down and buried emotion. Your physical body can become the storehouse for ignored, unacknowledged and suppressed emotional energy. Pain is an internal broadcast system for the feelings buried inside, screaming to be heard. To be acknowledged. To be cleared. To be loved.
Every healing journey will not look the same. It’s a personal pursuit-
Have you ever sat with the inner voice of your own pain?
I have. Pain is a lot more than just what we name it. It’s a culmination of stuck emotions, blocked feelings, experiences, memories, unconscious belief systems and unhealthy patterns. Because of this, healing can be an evolution of all experience and acknowledging what exists inside you, begins the path that serves as a direction. All of it is important information to construct a very intimate healing experience. Sometimes the tendency is to give up because you don’t like what you see and it can be hard to move through. This is when healing becomes dedication and time becomes discovery. I thought about pain. I’ve had pain. I’ve worked with pain and then it occurred to me. It came into me like a whole being awareness. The other side of pain, is pleasure. Pleasure. What a revelation! In all these years, it never occurred to me that pleasure was a root deficiency to my experience of pain. I was totally invested inside the pain that I missed out on any form of pleasure. I never embraced the joy of life and in being because I never thought to look at the other side of what the experience of pain had to offer.
I thank God for that moment in wholeness. It moved me. Pleasure was now in the game and enjoying my life became priority. When you embrace the other side, you stop brow beating the wound. You cease falling back into rigid, perfectionism disguised as discipline and the “trigger” has a place to go, a space to flourish. My personal healing did not look like the ideal or what I had anticipated. I found rest. I witnessed no more pushing into life or wanting to force forward. I could feel the grip loosen, I allowed some fun and sweeter foods, exercise was no longer a bloodbath but now conscious movement based on my needs for that day. Yes, I gained some weight but I also embraced that weight and loved myself anyway. My healing journey through pain helped me find a better balance within myself, a conscious balance. It helped me find the opening to the possibility of having pleasure move through me and integrate it into my experience. When you make your healing journey personal; it moves you, it changes you, it transforms you into a state of inner-conscious being. Shift away from the “call to action” approach to healing and move deeper into intimate understanding. Let that be the life-giving medicine you take in.
-Releasing Emotional Patterns
#BecomeYourInnerMostBeing #ConsciousBalance #WoundsAreOurGreatestTeachers
#SeektheOtherSide #BecomeWhole #WholnessMatters
AUTHOR OF INNER BEAUTY BLOGS
Jennifer is a truth seeker and artistic expressionist. She is certified energy therapist, emotional wellness coach, yoga/meditation instructor and intuitive. She is known her poetry and the deep care she feels for others.