As life has a tendency to crowd into empty spaces and at times, throw tantrums for your unyielding attention, it’s been awhile since I’ve meditated-
Today, I sat in meditation not in effort to teach a class or be blessed by some higher insight but mostly and purely just for myself. I've been feeling stretched in so many different directions and at times, a sense of pure exhaustion overwhelms me. It brings with it a sense, an energy of barren discontent or inner longing for fulfillment. I sat quietly inside myself today with a cautious intent, feeling nervous and disquieted inside my skin. I kept moving my body and opening my eyes. My breath felt stuck. I felt claustrophobic, a prisoner of my bones. There was no need to run because I was already sitting. So, I asked myself why am I so unsatisfied?
I closed my eyes and found my breath in my gut. I scooped it up with my thoughts like a mother scoops her baby up from the crib and hugs her into her heart. As a mother moves to hold her child close to her heart in security and comfort, I moved my breath to let go. I inhaled a little deeper and expanded out and on the return exhale, I moved further down into the inner layers of being. I used my breath to soften the outer edges of the energetic glue that held me captive and fell consciously and intently even deeper into my being.
As I continued these cycles of perspective and perception, my breath touched upon what I call, an energetic knot. It was a sensation stuck at the core of my being, the gateway to my vital energy source. At first it felt like walking into a wall. I felt a dead stop but without the associated pain of slamming into an actual wall. Then I felt this shiver and quake inside, this gyration of energy that made my hand rise and tremor. There was this internal push at the center of my being forcefully moving upward like a contraction. It was my solar plexus, my diaphragm pushing up against this blocked energy--the wall, the glue, the knot that existed along this central channel of life.
As this action continued to push upward with ferocity, my exhale pushed back and moved powerfully downward against it. There was this dynamic dual action happening inside me, a concentrated pressure. It felt like the moment a volcano explodes, that point of exclamation between the buildup and release. It didn’t hurt per say, it was slightly uncomfortable but tolerable, like when you throw up--you still cry but you’re relieved after having done it.
I asked myself what was all this about. I didn’t completely understood what had happened in that moment or get all the answers but what I do know is that emotion is energy in motion. The energy has to move. The most important part of the process is not in the knowing the how or why but in allowing the emotional energies to move within you and right out of you. It must disperse of its own accord without shaping or shifting it. That’s why it’s so powerful and painful when you hold it back or tuck it away somewhere in your muscles, tissues, and bones.
Afterwards, I was given the grace to understand that I had been in an unhealthy relationship that twisted my gut, attacked my self-esteem and self-image, and at the final stages of its dis-connection, left me feeling gutted--raw, open, exposed, and barren. Not many people want to admit those feelings… I was one of them. Then I realized today, in not allowing those feelings to move through me I created an energetic knot, a blockage, a limitation, a concrete layer of protection that excluded proper pathways to healing.
The experience got me thinking about fulfillment again… What I learned is that you can’t move forward until you release what holds you back and you have to be brave enough, honest enough, to just be still and sit there. The felt sense of fulfillment can only happen after you let go of what you hold on to that doesn’t satisfy you. Those blocks have to be released, knots must be untied, and energy needs movement so there is a new space to be filled.
I sat inside myself, in meditation for me today. It was a declaration of self-care. I took action to actively take care of my inner being, to put forth full participation in my own experience of healing. I believe the path toward fulfillment lies not in holding back what you feel but rather feeling fully all that you feel so you can clear the pathways of energy inside you.
I invite you to take some time for yourself today and draw upon the ways in which to broaden your perspective and perception, loosen stuck energetic material, open the lines of creative energies, flush the personality and cleanse the aura. So, you can begin the practice and become the witness--inside your beautiful, bright being.
TIS` THE SEASON OF HEART
December can be quite a magical month and fulfilling time of year. We get a chance to embrace the spirit of holidays and witness the wonder through the eyes of children and adults alike. Tis` the season of heart, when the world steps into a place of family, togetherness, and hope. It’s an end of a year that begins an active path into giving and receiving, rooted in a coming together of values and the essence of home. The season fills the atmosphere with magic; crisp air and snow falling from sky, lights aglow on streets and in homes, long gazes into loved one’s eyes by the crackles of fire and sparks of sweet-hearts. We take care, nestling into hearty foods like soups, stews, and hot chocolate. We bundle up with sweaters, scarves, blankets and loved ones and we find ourselves surround by light, the illumination of our hopes and dreams in the stillness of love within our hearts.
The heart symbolizes life, love and the engagement in partnership. The heart never leads alone... It never beats alone... One pulse follows the other in the direction of union. A sense of union requires partnership. We learn to connect and re-connect through the heart-experience, magnified between a pair of arms that allow us to reach out and touch what we love, while, cradled and comforted between two breasts that safely hold what we feel. We are given an opportunity to feel the magic of life, connection and harmony both, individually and collectively. The season of heart reminds us in order to create a spark of life, we cannot go at it alone. We simply relate and create in a blended continuum of wholeness. The heart does not beat alone... It does not lead alone... One pulse follows the other in complete unification.
This is a time of un-veiling, re-vealing, and an un-folding of self to the inner sweetness of comfort and warmth. It’s a reminder of the mother-child experience, the inner connection and bond of unconditional love. Our very own place to rest soulfully in the wonder and awe, completely disarmed and embraced in the natural state of being. The heart leads us to a clear passage and cleansing, a shedding of old, a point to nurture life and all that we live for. It is a space given in which to surrender, to lay down a clean slate, to be re-born in concept as we celebrate into the new, calm and cradled in the mother energy, inside the season of heart.
#HeartSeason #SpiritofCalm&Comfort #MotherEnergy #CradledInHeartEnergy #TistheSeasonforMagic #HeldinLight
It’s time to get out of the “cookie cutter” version of what healing should look like and shift back into our own personal guidance and experience. Sometimes, the path to healing has us feeling off center and it’s cause for questioning but we forget, feeling off center is also for good purpose. The center balances opposing sides and reveals a place of wholeness. When the scale tips toward into the wound, the other side of balance is overlooked. The gift of wholeness is to be open and available to both sides and to integrate them into conscious balance. Your personal path to healing begins inside wholeness not in one side of experience. Let’s look at pain for example. I’ve thought about pain. Pain is real. Pain is relentless. It reveals itself through the body, not just inside it. It wants to be seen. It beckons to be heard. It tugs at you every minute of every day. Pain is restrictive, trapped in the body with no space for joy and we suffer. Pain is suffering, the physical manifestation of held in, held back, shut down and buried emotion. Your physical body can become the storehouse for ignored, unacknowledged and suppressed emotional energy. Pain is an internal broadcast system for the feelings buried inside, screaming to be heard. To be acknowledged. To be cleared. To be loved.
Every healing journey will not look the same. It’s a personal pursuit-
Have you ever sat with the inner voice of your own pain?
I have. Pain is a lot more than just what we name it. It’s a culmination of stuck emotions, blocked feelings, experiences, memories, unconscious belief systems and unhealthy patterns. Because of this, healing can be an evolution of all experience and acknowledging what exists inside you, begins the path that serves as a direction. All of it is important information to construct a very intimate healing experience. Sometimes the tendency is to give up because you don’t like what you see and it can be hard to move through. This is when healing becomes dedication and time becomes discovery. I thought about pain. I’ve had pain. I’ve worked with pain and then it occurred to me. It came into me like a whole being awareness. The other side of pain, is pleasure. Pleasure. What a revelation! In all these years, it never occurred to me that pleasure was a root deficiency to my experience of pain. I was totally invested inside the pain that I missed out on any form of pleasure. I never embraced the joy of life and in being because I never thought to look at the other side of what the experience of pain had to offer.
I thank God for that moment in wholeness. It moved me. Pleasure was now in the game and enjoying my life became priority. When you embrace the other side, you stop brow beating the wound. You cease falling back into rigid, perfectionism disguised as discipline and the “trigger” has a place to go, a space to flourish. My personal healing did not look like the ideal or what I had anticipated. I found rest. I witnessed no more pushing into life or wanting to force forward. I could feel the grip loosen, I allowed some fun and sweeter foods, exercise was no longer a bloodbath but now conscious movement based on my needs for that day. Yes, I gained some weight but I also embraced that weight and loved myself anyway. My healing journey through pain helped me find a better balance within myself, a conscious balance. It helped me find the opening to the possibility of having pleasure move through me and integrate it into my experience. When you make your healing journey personal; it moves you, it changes you, it transforms you into a state of inner-conscious being. Shift away from the “call to action” approach to healing and move deeper into intimate understanding. Let that be the life-giving medicine you take in.
-Releasing Emotional Patterns
#BecomeYourInnerMostBeing #ConsciousBalance #WoundsAreOurGreatestTeachers
#SeektheOtherSide #BecomeWhole #WholnessMatters
Jennifer is a truth seeker and artistic expressionist. She is a published author/poet. She is a certified emotional wellness coach, certified energy therapist, yoga/meditation instructor and intuitive.