I noticed a wasp on the glass door right before I was about to go outside to sit on my deck. I stopped dead in my tracks in the middle of my path and as if the answer was about to be whispered into my ear, my head slowly and cautiously tilted to the right in deliberation. I thought, was this thing outside the glass door or was it inside with me…? A cold chill sped up my spine, my body straighten up stiff and my eyes widened bright. My second thought emerged and sort of shrieked in the front of my mind, I heard clear as ice, OH MY GOD!! But I never actually uttered a sound. I stood frozen solid, not even the slightest breath escaped from my lungs. My body was motionless, I was terrified. My mind went white, blank and yet again, a shrill voice inside my head shouted, “RUN! What is wrong with you, Jennifer!?! Open your mouth and SCREAM! High-tail it outta here! Blockade the pathway, slide under your bed and hide from this dangerous and ferocious winged creature!” Then in the split of a second, under the warmth of my breath I said, should I get the spray and kill it?
I paused for a moment... My lungs fell awake and my breath dropped deep down into my bones. I began to walk gradually, step by step over to the glass door. I stood in front of my reflection, a voyeur to the wasp and peered into the glass. When I got close enough I saw that this dangerous and ferocious winged creature was trapped between the two panes of glass. It moved somewhat frantically, seemingly trying to figure out a way to escape. I witnessed it possibly groom itself…? Or maybe it was nervous. It was fidgeting about, swiping its antennas with its arms and darting its triangle shaped head in zig-zagging patterns perhaps, trying to decide what to do next? Who knows, but what it did remind me of was what we all do when panic strikes. When that sense of fear and anxiety rise up, bubbling over into our blood -- the skin gets flushed, we’re hot! The palms move swiftly together, an effort to burn off the fire burning from inside. Our hands move mindlessly, yet, strategically over the face to sweep the sweat away from the brow and regain some level of comfort again. It times like this, you just can’t be still in your own body. You have to move in desperate declaration for relief! It becomes a driving force -- you need to get out of the situation, address it and quickly decide what the next steps are! Panic sets in- I stood there in the center of my breath, completely grounded and said in a soft undertone, “Wow… This winged creature must feel or at least determine it’s in a situation it needs to get out of?” I remembered how I’ve been in situations like this before -- being stuck between two panes of glass, metaphorically of course, but non-the-less I’ve been there. I’ve felt that same sense of horrible anxiety and crippling fear and with that realization, I no longer felt afraid of this creature. Now, I was only interested in helping it find the way out… The wasp and I got to work right away! The sun sparked in the air and reflected beams of light off the glass door, as if to offer some insight into this unfortunate situation. We began trying to figure out ways to help the escape. I got closer and the wasp continued its pace, scurrying back and forth, trapped inside the glass. My eyes squinted slightly from the light and then quickly began shifting from side-to-side. The scene was the wasp moving back and forth and my eyes shifting from side to side -- it was like both our brains were rapidly calculating perimeters and plotting escape routes. I was trying to figure out how the wasp got inside there and where was the way out? I found some crevasses and saw some possibilities but escape was to no avail. I decided, maybe it got in there from the outside? I stepped outside and looked at the door from another angle. After some time and through my investigation, I saw the entrance! It was obvious but this little wasp was spending too much time in the wrong places to even sense it. I began to tap gently on the glass in hopes the wasp might feel the vibration and follow the sound, maybe see the opening and set itself free. I persisted with my task; I tapped, tapped, tapped, with the tip of my finger and with a little consistency, the wasp eventually began to follow the sound midway across the glass. However, every time it got halfway, it would turn around and go over the same places it had already gone over a million times before. This wasp was frustrating me! I kept tapping and tapping to show it the way and it kept repeating and repeating the same pattern -- that obviously didn’t serve any real purpose! Grrrrr… I growled, clinching the back of my throat and gritting through my teeth. The wasp and I played this tune for about 5 minutes straight! Me tapping on the glass and it dancing the cha-cha all the way to the halfway point, just to turn around and go over the same unfulfilled path again and again and again, escape was to no avail. I never screamed, nor ran away, or killed it. I stopped tapping gently to get its attention and I never took apart the panes of glass to set it free. I realized, it was the path the wasp chose for itself and who was I to come along and show it the way or do the work for it? This time, I stood in front of the glass door not frozen in fear and anxiety but suspended still in enlightenment. I stepped aside with resolve and watched the wasp eventually find the escape route and fly off to live out the rest of its life. I walked away with peace in my heart because I finally understood that all creatures deserve to be left alone to find their own way. To walk their own path and live their own lives -- even the ones that may hurt us or that we perceive as dangerous and ferocious. Jennifer
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TIS` THE SEASON OF HEART
December can be quite a magical month and fulfilling time of year. We get a chance to embrace the spirit of holidays and witness the wonder through the eyes of children and adults alike. Tis` the season of heart, when the world steps into a place of family, togetherness, and hope. It’s an end of a year that begins an active path into giving and receiving, rooted in a coming together of values and the essence of home. The season fills the atmosphere with magic; crisp air and snow falling from sky, lights aglow on streets and in homes, long gazes into loved one’s eyes by the crackles of fire and sparks of sweet-hearts. We take care, nestling into hearty foods like soups, stews, and hot chocolate. We bundle up with sweaters, scarves, blankets and loved ones and we find ourselves surround by light, the illumination of our hopes and dreams in the stillness of love within our hearts.
The heart symbolizes life, love and the engagement in partnership. The heart never leads alone... It never beats alone... One pulse follows the other in the direction of union. A sense of union requires partnership. We learn to connect and re-connect through the heart-experience, magnified between a pair of arms that allow us to reach out and touch what we love, while, cradled and comforted between two breasts that safely hold what we feel. We are given an opportunity to feel the magic of life, connection and harmony both, individually and collectively. The season of heart reminds us in order to create a spark of life, we cannot go at it alone. We simply relate and create in a blended continuum of wholeness. The heart does not beat alone... It does not lead alone... One pulse follows the other in complete unification. This is a time of un-veiling, re-vealing, and an un-folding of self to the inner sweetness of comfort and warmth. It’s a reminder of the mother-child experience, the inner connection and bond of unconditional love. Our very own place to rest soulfully in the wonder and awe, completely disarmed and embraced in the natural state of being. The heart leads us to a clear passage and cleansing, a shedding of old, a point to nurture life and all that we live for. It is a space given in which to surrender, to lay down a clean slate, to be re-born in concept as we celebrate into the new, calm and cradled in the mother energy, inside the season of heart. Love, Jennifer #HeartSeason #SpiritofCalm&Comfort #MotherEnergy #CradledInHeartEnergy #TistheSeasonforMagic #HeldinLight CONSCIOUS BALANCE
It’s time to get out of the “cookie cutter” version of what healing should look like and shift back into our own personal guidance and experience. Sometimes, the path to healing has us feeling off center and it’s cause for questioning but we forget, feeling off center is also for good purpose. The center balances opposing sides and reveals a place of wholeness. When the scale tips toward into the wound, the other side of balance is overlooked. The gift of wholeness is to be open and available to both sides and to integrate them into conscious balance. Your personal path to healing begins inside wholeness not in one side of experience. Let’s look at pain for example. I’ve thought about pain. Pain is real. Pain is relentless. It reveals itself through the body, not just inside it. It wants to be seen. It beckons to be heard. It tugs at you every minute of every day. Pain is restrictive, trapped in the body with no space for joy and we suffer. Pain is suffering, the physical manifestation of held in, held back, shut down and buried emotion. Your physical body can become the storehouse for ignored, unacknowledged and suppressed emotional energy. Pain is an internal broadcast system for the feelings buried inside, screaming to be heard. To be acknowledged. To be cleared. To be loved.
Every healing journey will not look the same. It’s a personal pursuit-
Have you ever sat with the inner voice of your own pain? I have. Pain is a lot more than just what we name it. It’s a culmination of stuck emotions, blocked feelings, experiences, memories, unconscious belief systems and unhealthy patterns. Because of this, healing can be an evolution of all experience and acknowledging what exists inside you, begins the path that serves as a direction. All of it is important information to construct a very intimate healing experience. Sometimes the tendency is to give up because you don’t like what you see and it can be hard to move through. This is when healing becomes dedication and time becomes discovery. I thought about pain. I’ve had pain. I’ve worked with pain and then it occurred to me. It came into me like a whole being awareness. The other side of pain, is pleasure. Pleasure. What a revelation! In all these years, it never occurred to me that pleasure was a root deficiency to my experience of pain. I was totally invested inside the pain that I missed out on any form of pleasure. I never embraced the joy of life and in being because I never thought to look at the other side of what the experience of pain had to offer.
I thank God for that moment in wholeness. It moved me. Pleasure was now in the game and enjoying my life became priority. When you embrace the other side, you stop brow beating the wound. You cease falling back into rigid, perfectionism disguised as discipline and the “trigger” has a place to go, a space to flourish. My personal healing did not look like the ideal or what I had anticipated. I found rest. I witnessed no more pushing into life or wanting to force forward. I could feel the grip loosen, I allowed some fun and sweeter foods, exercise was no longer a bloodbath but now conscious movement based on my needs for that day. Yes, I gained some weight but I also embraced that weight and loved myself anyway. My healing journey through pain helped me find a better balance within myself, a conscious balance. It helped me find the opening to the possibility of having pleasure move through me and integrate it into my experience. When you make your healing journey personal; it moves you, it changes you, it transforms you into a state of inner-conscious being. Shift away from the “call to action” approach to healing and move deeper into intimate understanding. Let that be the life-giving medicine you take in. Love, Jennifer🌸 -Releasing Emotional Patterns #BecomeYourInnerMostBeing #ConsciousBalance #WoundsAreOurGreatestTeachers #SeektheOtherSide #BecomeWhole #WholnessMatters AuthorJennifer is a truth seeker and artistic expressionist. She is a published author/poet. She is a certified emotional wellness coach, certified energy therapist, yoga/meditation instructor and intuitive. Archives
January 2021
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