Today is Valentine's Day... At first, I thought I should write about the fantasy of love or romantic type relationships and then I thought, why should I do that? That's not very original, now is it?!
I do want to talk about love and romantic type relationships but not in the conventional sense. No, I want to talk about something much deeper, something much greater... I want to talk about that little person that lives inside you--your inner child. Some might scoff at even the thought of that or throw their head back, rolling their eyes uttering, "Oh my God.." under their breath, discounting that quite little presence that resides in us all. Don't we all kind of do that though. Discount little parts of ourselves that come up? Maybe sweep them neatly under some imaginary rug or simply stuff it down, burying our feelings somewhere deep inside. We shift our focus on something else, someone else... Heck! Anything else, right...?! Another Else--to numb the pain of how we feel. We'll even slap labels on ourselves like, depression, anxiety, moody, or hormonal anything else but what we may actually be feeling. Could our feelings be the presence, the essence of some neat little package of something much deeper residing inside us? Something... a feeling, an energy, an emotion--a little voice struggling to come up for air. A voice inside that wants to speak. To say NO! To be, protected, acknowledged, appreciated, cared for, validated, guided, loved... Could it be Your Voice that wants to be heard--YOU - The Little You?
That voice- You- the little you, whose needs were never met.
That voice- You- the little you, whose feelings were shut down.
That voice- You- the little you, whose creativity and expression was oppressed and dismissed.
That voice- You, the little you.
When we acknowledge the child within us, we get to examine the broken pieces of our puzzle. We get to slowly begin to make those connections necessary to complete the very essence of who we really are. We tap into transformative powers that change our decisions, our reactions, our old patterns, and the course of our lives.
Today is Valentine's Day...
I sat in the car and I felt something... I felt something burning inside me, something welling up-- it was hot, burning my face and moving from the inside-out. My instinct, what I've learned, what I was taught--Dismiss it! It doesn't exist--PUSH IT DOWN and it will go away... Stand tall, eyes straight, and keep moving forward!
I stopped for a moment and tried something different. I tried what I now teach others. I tried to be present with myself and sit inside what I was feeling so I can label it, so I can put a name to it, so I can sit face to face with this monster inside me, with this energetic knot that was choking me. I felt angry, I felt frustrated. I said to myself- I feel, not necessarily dismissed... But- Ugh! I was stuck.
Then all of a sudden, I didn't know what I felt... I wasn't angry or frustrated anymore. That was just the surface--There was something rising inside, something deeper... Much Deeper. I thought, this feeling is so familiar to me... It was so ripe, so potent.
This feeling, this energy, this emotion, I carried inside me since forever, since I could remember...
Disappointment- finally had a face. Disappointment- finally had an understanding. Disappointment- finally had a voice... And I cried.
I cried through the feeling, I cried through the energy, I cried through the emotion and I found myself. I found myself vulnerable, settled inside my own heart. I realized then, I had been pushing the feeling of disappointment down for many, many years and I used anger as a way to keep me up--literally keep me upright, and moving forward and in that moment, I realized anger has no foundation, it's not strength and it's not strong, it crumbles easily, over and over again.
My mind sunk, like a stone in water and I understood there is a little voice inside, YOU - The Little You that is constantly trying to connect for integration, for healing, for wholeness. I realized that for most of my life, every time I shoved down that unknown feeling, dismissed and disregarded it, I made anger my anchor and shield to guard my vulnerability--the child within me, my precious little heart. Now, I finally understand that there is a path to the heart- I just need to follow that little voice inside. That Voice - YOU - The Little You.
The Year 2015 has Arrived!
Today, I made a vow to allow self judgments to evaporate inside the gentle vibrations of Grace.
Today, I wondered about vulnerability- - I thought about what would I need to let go of- in order to just purely be, who I am?
I wondered if I could share myself with others, with another- - and not budge?
I asked myself, could I be completely honest inside, therefore, completely authentic and raw with another?
I thought about the profundity, the solidity, the exclamation of being, of that person who doesn't hold back what is real inside, what beckons to be named, what is fueled with fire to be spoken, heard and released!
What would that internal freedom and expansion be like? What would that be like for one, and possibly, (in the spaces between) you and another- willing to do the same?
Oh my God... I thought, could I soften and let go of that which holds me captive inside? Furthermore, would just that simple action- the exhale, actually open a greater space within, for others- for another, to enter and share in the same way?
Perhaps, the answers are simply in letting it all go...
Maybe, everyday, we purposefully cause the shifts in our consciousness- - in every moment, in everyday. Today, the first day of this New Year-
For me, begins a shedding process, a letting go and a rising strong, inside my authentic, raw self.
Jennifer is a truth seeker and artistic expressionist. She is a published author/poet. She is a certified emotional wellness coach, certified energy therapist, yoga/meditation instructor and intuitive.