MINDFUL THOUGHTS & SKILLS
SHAME: THE TEACHER WITHIN
Shame, as the teacher within assists in shaping your self-concept, how you define yourself. It shines a light on those shadows that penetrate your identity and distort your Divinity. It helps you see those places of darkness that cover your goodness and works to connect you to your standards and values to remember what's important to you. Shame, helps you reconnect to who you really are, the original you. It challenges you to accept your worst as perfectly imperfect and supports you to rise into the best version of yourself. This is to say, that the intention of shame can actually guide you back to who you were created to be if you are brave enough to look at it and accept it's teachings. The experience of shame is waiting to heal you from whatever happened, to restore your innocence once again. But first, you have to restore your inner-sense, which is the only way to return to wholeness. In this way, shame offers a vehicle to take control of your self-esteem, step into your power, and build an unshakable fortress of self-love.
WAYS TO WORK WITH SHAME AS A TEACHER
Find your capacity to listen to yourself, to have an awareness of your qualities, capabilities, and values and know what is important to you. Take the time to connect with these deeper aspects of who you are, what you're made up of. Practice naming or labeling them and make a list so, you can connect with them frequently and daily.
Shame reveals the condition of your self-worth and at any moment it serves to raise it. Whenever it feels bad to be you, shame detects and reflects that you have forgotten who you really are. This goes back to clarifying and aligning with above, identifying your qualities, values and capacities. What you think you're worth, defines what you deserve. What you think you deserve is what you can expect to receive. When you work to find your right alignment, you acknowledge your Divinity and the light within your self-concept or esteem will shine through. This is what it means to actualize the self.
In the beginning, external validation is how you came to define yourself. Being a product of environment, observing caregivers/family members behaviors, responses, likes/dislikes, which may have supported or rejected you from your initial self-concept or understanding of your self-image. When the needs and moods of others become the only source of self-esteem then you will always wonder if you're liked and burdened with how you can fit in or belong. This creates the behavior of trying to mold and conform the self to fit the moods and needs of others. Thereby, neglecting, distorting, and excluding your own goodness and right to exist. This wounds the soul and perpetuates feelings of emptiness. You can never please everyone, and you will never know and enjoy who you are if you never allow yourself to emerge.
Shame, means "to cover" which implies a way to hide whatever is unacceptable to self and others. The belief is that in order to survive, we must behave. We learn by reward and punishment, obedience, conformity, loyalty. Social animals perish without group support, so we are programed to seek out a primal instinct for "right" behavior and change accordingly, even if, it's against our own understanding of ourselves or alignment. Trace back to where shame started for you. journal about it and see if you can start making some connections to get back on track.
Shame reveals the condition of your self-worth and at any moment it serves to raise it. Whenever it feels bad to be you, shame detects and reflects that you have forgotten who you really are. This goes back to clarifying and aligning with above, identifying your qualities, values and capacities. What you think you're worth, defines what you deserve. What you think you deserve is what you can expect to receive. When you work to find your right alignment, you acknowledge your Divinity and the light within your self-concept or esteem will shine through. This is what it means to actualize the self.
In the beginning, external validation is how you came to define yourself. Being a product of environment, observing caregivers/family members behaviors, responses, likes/dislikes, which may have supported or rejected you from your initial self-concept or understanding of your self-image. When the needs and moods of others become the only source of self-esteem then you will always wonder if you're liked and burdened with how you can fit in or belong. This creates the behavior of trying to mold and conform the self to fit the moods and needs of others. Thereby, neglecting, distorting, and excluding your own goodness and right to exist. This wounds the soul and perpetuates feelings of emptiness. You can never please everyone, and you will never know and enjoy who you are if you never allow yourself to emerge.
Shame, means "to cover" which implies a way to hide whatever is unacceptable to self and others. The belief is that in order to survive, we must behave. We learn by reward and punishment, obedience, conformity, loyalty. Social animals perish without group support, so we are programed to seek out a primal instinct for "right" behavior and change accordingly, even if, it's against our own understanding of ourselves or alignment. Trace back to where shame started for you. journal about it and see if you can start making some connections to get back on track.
QUESTIONS FOR EXPLORATION
Where are you most at home?
Where do you feel that you fit in and belong, are accepted and welcomed, even honored?
(ex., family, friend, group, activity)
What do you have in common with those you most spend your time with?
Do you feel as comfortable with all of humanity?
This next question is strong and nature and will often strike a stance of inner defense.
Try to be open and available so you can observe and be informed.
Whom do you consider to be unacceptable, unimportant, wrong, or dismissible?
Innocence is the state of the original you.
At what time in your life can you remember when your innocence was lost?
What was that shame for?
Was it something you did, how you looked, your family or home?
Who did it come from?
Was it public, blatant, behind your back, subtle or implied?
What were the consequences of not fitting in?
Were you just being yourself, but suddenly that was a problem?
Some characteristic, idea, action of yours was seen as bad and not as a separate and unique quality.
You didn't change but your feelings about yourself changed in response to the feelings of others.
You were no more or less pure, beautiful, and innocent, but somehow you lost that awareness.
Where do you feel that you fit in and belong, are accepted and welcomed, even honored?
(ex., family, friend, group, activity)
What do you have in common with those you most spend your time with?
Do you feel as comfortable with all of humanity?
This next question is strong and nature and will often strike a stance of inner defense.
Try to be open and available so you can observe and be informed.
Whom do you consider to be unacceptable, unimportant, wrong, or dismissible?
Innocence is the state of the original you.
At what time in your life can you remember when your innocence was lost?
What was that shame for?
Was it something you did, how you looked, your family or home?
Who did it come from?
Was it public, blatant, behind your back, subtle or implied?
What were the consequences of not fitting in?
Were you just being yourself, but suddenly that was a problem?
Some characteristic, idea, action of yours was seen as bad and not as a separate and unique quality.
You didn't change but your feelings about yourself changed in response to the feelings of others.
You were no more or less pure, beautiful, and innocent, but somehow you lost that awareness.
- Senses of the Soul
Shame can be so painful that it will even hide from you. It goes underground and affects your subconscious beliefs toward yourself.
However, it is there, waiting to be heal you from whatever happened, to restore your innocence once again.
But first, you have to restore your inner-sense which, is the only way to return to wholeness.
However, it is there, waiting to be heal you from whatever happened, to restore your innocence once again.
But first, you have to restore your inner-sense which, is the only way to return to wholeness.
Love,
Jennifer
Gentle Touch Healing
Healing through Compassion
SHAME: The Teacher Within Blog Here>>
- Emotional Wellness Coaching
MORE ABOUT EMOTIONAL WELLNESS COACHING HERE>>
Jennifer
Gentle Touch Healing
Healing through Compassion
SHAME: The Teacher Within Blog Here>>
- Emotional Wellness Coaching
MORE ABOUT EMOTIONAL WELLNESS COACHING HERE>>