"In order to feel okay,
we need to feel safe.
To feel safe,
we need to feel stable and grounded."
There are many reason's why one might not feel okay and often times, it's simply because we don't feel safe. We all have a right to feel safe, all the time. However, it can be a difficult experience to create when an unresolved emotional wound kicks up. One common emotional injury is the worth/value wound which says, "I am not okay to just be. It's not safe to be who I am."
If we were to dissect the worth/value emotional wound, we would see there are many moving parts to it. At the root is a belief of not being seen that often fuels an attachment to the experience of neglect. Neglect of any kind can leave us feeling alone on some level and desperate to connect in ways in which, we ignore our needs and/or allow others to not take our needs into consideration. Both are forms of neglect and can perpetuate a behavior pattern better known as "people pleasing and/or gaining approval" to cope with feeling alone or that we don't exist. What it means to be seen is that the parts of us; our identity, emotions, our needs and/or physical presence gets fully recognized through validation, support, and/or inclusion. When we don't feel seen or have had that experience it leaves us feeling invisible, unheard, neglected and abandoned.
Worth/Value Emotional Wound
"I don't exist"
- This belief can often translate to I am alone.
Dysfunctional Behavior Pattern:
1. People pleasing and/or seeking approval of others.
2. Over-effort and over-striving.
The Cycle of Worth/Value Wound:
the cycle of the worth/value wound can start with not feeling seen on some level. In order to cope with that, we might slip into a behavior pattern known as people pleasing and/or gaining approval. This pattern of behavior might look like, doing more, being more, giving more, etc. which feeds into the core belief, "I don't exist." This distorted belief then triggers the emotional wound of worth/value. Most people don't usually want to touch that sore spot so, we take matters into our own hands. We work harder, do more, be more, give more, and sometimes, even to our own detriment. We push and push, trying to "make it happen" to "fix it" or to just "do" something. There's no rest in doing more; running on fumes, not having enough, doing enough, being enough. It's exhausting. It depletes and distorts our energy, creating feelings of insecurity and stress or moods like anxiety and depression. If we're always doing and never being, we don't rest. Rest gives us space to create and when we feel safe, okay to be who we are, we can rest deeply.
The creative process is our capacity for magic. It is a true freedom in expression and natural abilities. When we rest, creative energy aligns and expresses itself through the power of creation. A baby in the womb is a great example of this. A baby developing in the womb does absolutely nothing but simply rests while, the creative process creates itself into a full fletched human being. If the baby tried to "do" or "fix" and involve itself in any way, it would just create unnecessary work and exhaust itself in the process. It doesn't work. It's not effective and in fact, it complicates an intelligent process already in action. But somehow, we think or believe if we stop working hard, something will not be okay or even worse, that something might be wrong with us. Over-efforting and over-striving creates tension, stress, insecurity, and seizes the self, better known as anxiety. It also corrupts the creative process, freezing any potential for creation. When we don't feel safe, our neurology shifts into survival mode, building consistent levels of stress that sustains overtime. Unresolve stress gets trapped in the body and that chaotic energy containment, leaves us feeling ungrounded; we fight, freeze, or flee. A desperate response to trauma on repeat that continues the emotional wound cycle.
"We all want to feel centered and safe,
yet the ways we're trying to get there are
actually creating more stress."
Feeling grounded in the body is key. It's a form of showing up for ourselves and a greater overall feeling of support. When feelings of insecurity arise or moods like anxiety peek through, we can ground ourselves by coming into the body. We can pause, connect, breath deeply into our presence in the present and notice how the body communicates through us. What are the sensations? Where does your body direct your mind for attention or insight? Does your breath create space inside you or is it constricted and stuck? This is how we emotionally support ourselves. We can also physically ground ourselves by noticing what it feels like when our body is supported from the outside; on the earth, in a chair, bed, car seat. Grounding is about supporting ourselves deeply, inside and out. We can learn to relax deeply inside the body and the mind rather than the tendency to run on urgency. We can deeply listen to what's actually going on in our body and support ourselves in ways that create a safe place for us to land. We can show up for ourselves by just being and the more we can practice and anchor into that, the more we can understand we are inherently good and okay.
You are safe to be exactly who we are and were created to be.
This is the gift of personal worth and value.
MINDFUL BREATHING PRACTICE
Focus on the exhale:
The exhale reminds us that we don't have to keep it all together, hold it all up, get it all done or be more. In the release of your breath, the exhale reminds us we can let go, one moment at a time.
- Healing through Compassion
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TIS` THE SEASON OF HEART
December can be quite a magical month and fulfilling time of year. We get a chance to embrace the spirit of holidays and witness the wonder through the eyes of children and adults alike. Tis` the season of heart, when the world steps into a place of family, togetherness, and hope. It’s an end of a year that begins an active path into giving and receiving, rooted in a coming together of values and the essence of home. The season fills the atmosphere with magic; crisp air and snow falling from sky, lights aglow on streets and in homes, long gazes into loved one’s eyes by the crackles of fire and sparks of sweet-hearts. We take care, nestling into hearty foods like soups, stews, and hot chocolate. We bundle up with sweaters, scarves, blankets and loved ones and we find ourselves surround by light, the illumination of our hopes and dreams in the stillness of love within our hearts.
The heart symbolizes life, love and the engagement in partnership. The heart never leads alone... It never beats alone... One pulse follows the other in the direction of union. A sense of union requires partnership. We learn to connect and re-connect through the heart-experience, magnified between a pair of arms that allow us to reach out and touch what we love, while, cradled and comforted between two breasts that safely hold what we feel. We are given an opportunity to feel the magic of life, connection and harmony both, individually and collectively. The season of heart reminds us in order to create a spark of life, we cannot go at it alone. We simply relate and create in a blended continuum of wholeness. The heart does not beat alone... It does not lead alone... One pulse follows the other in complete unification.
This is a time of un-veiling, re-vealing, and an un-folding of self to the inner sweetness of comfort and warmth. It’s a reminder of the mother-child experience, the inner connection and bond of unconditional love. Our very own place to rest soulfully in the wonder and awe, completely disarmed and embraced in the natural state of being. The heart leads us to a clear passage and cleansing, a shedding of old, a point to nurture life and all that we live for. It is a space given in which to surrender, to lay down a clean slate, to be re-born in concept as we celebrate into the new, calm and cradled in the mother energy, inside the season of heart.
#HeartSeason #SpiritofCalm&Comfort #MotherEnergy #CradledInHeartEnergy #TistheSeasonforMagic #HeldinLight
It’s time to get out of the “cookie cutter” version of what healing should look like and shift back into our own personal guidance and experience. Sometimes, the path to healing has us feeling off center and it’s cause for questioning but we forget, feeling off center is also for good purpose. The center balances opposing sides and reveals a place of wholeness. When the scale tips toward into the wound, the other side of balance is overlooked. The gift of wholeness is to be open and available to both sides and to integrate them into conscious balance. Your personal path to healing begins inside wholeness not in one side of experience. Let’s look at pain for example. I’ve thought about pain. Pain is real. Pain is relentless. It reveals itself through the body, not just inside it. It wants to be seen. It beckons to be heard. It tugs at you every minute of every day. Pain is restrictive, trapped in the body with no space for joy and we suffer. Pain is suffering, the physical manifestation of held in, held back, shut down and buried emotion. Your physical body can become the storehouse for ignored, unacknowledged and suppressed emotional energy. Pain is an internal broadcast system for the feelings buried inside, screaming to be heard. To be acknowledged. To be cleared. To be loved.
Every healing journey will not look the same. It’s a personal pursuit-
Have you ever sat with the inner voice of your own pain?
I have. Pain is a lot more than just what we name it. It’s a culmination of stuck emotions, blocked feelings, experiences, memories, unconscious belief systems and unhealthy patterns. Because of this, healing can be an evolution of all experience and acknowledging what exists inside you, begins the path that serves as a direction. All of it is important information to construct a very intimate healing experience. Sometimes the tendency is to give up because you don’t like what you see and it can be hard to move through. This is when healing becomes dedication and time becomes discovery. I thought about pain. I’ve had pain. I’ve worked with pain and then it occurred to me. It came into me like a whole being awareness. The other side of pain, is pleasure. Pleasure. What a revelation! In all these years, it never occurred to me that pleasure was a root deficiency to my experience of pain. I was totally invested inside the pain that I missed out on any form of pleasure. I never embraced the joy of life and in being because I never thought to look at the other side of what the experience of pain had to offer.
I thank God for that moment in wholeness. It moved me. Pleasure was now in the game and enjoying my life became priority. When you embrace the other side, you stop brow beating the wound. You cease falling back into rigid, perfectionism disguised as discipline and the “trigger” has a place to go, a space to flourish. My personal healing did not look like the ideal or what I had anticipated. I found rest. I witnessed no more pushing into life or wanting to force forward. I could feel the grip loosen, I allowed some fun and sweeter foods, exercise was no longer a bloodbath but now conscious movement based on my needs for that day. Yes, I gained some weight but I also embraced that weight and loved myself anyway. My healing journey through pain helped me find a better balance within myself, a conscious balance. It helped me find the opening to the possibility of having pleasure move through me and integrate it into my experience. When you make your healing journey personal; it moves you, it changes you, it transforms you into a state of inner-conscious being. Shift away from the “call to action” approach to healing and move deeper into intimate understanding. Let that be the life-giving medicine you take in.
-Releasing Emotional Patterns
#BecomeYourInnerMostBeing #ConsciousBalance #WoundsAreOurGreatestTeachers
#SeektheOtherSide #BecomeWhole #WholnessMatters
AUTHOR OF INNER BEAUTY BLOGS
Jennifer is a truth seeker and artistic expressionist. She is certified energy therapist, emotional wellness coach, yoga/meditation instructor and intuitive. She is known her poetry and the deep care she feels for others.