DISSECTING THE WORTH/VALUE EMOTIONAL WOUND

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"In order to feel okay,
we need to feel safe.
To feel safe, 
we need to feel stable and grounded."

There are many reason's why one might not feel okay and often times, it's simply because we don't feel safe. We all have a right to feel safe, all the time. However, it can be a difficult experience to create when an unresolved emotional wound kicks up. One common emotional injury is the worth/value wound which says, "I am not okay to just be. It's not safe to be who I am."  

If we were to dissect the worth/value emotional wound, we would see there are many moving parts to it. At the root is a belief of not being seen that often fuels an attachment to the experience of neglect. Neglect of any kind can leave us feeling alone on some level and desperate to connect in ways in which, we ignore our needs and/or allow others to not take our needs into consideration. Both are forms of neglect and can perpetuate a behavior pattern better known as "people pleasing and/or gaining approval" to cope with feeling alone or that we don't exist. What it means to be seen is that the parts of us; our identity, emotions, our needs and/or physical presence gets fully recognized through validation, support, and/or inclusion. When we don't feel seen or have had that experience it leaves us feeling invisible, unheard, neglected and abandoned.

Worth/Value Emotional Wound
Distorted Belief:
"I don't exist" 
- This belief can often translate to I am alone.

Dysfunctional Behavior Pattern:
1. People pleasing and/or seeking approval of others.
2. Over-effort and over-striving.

The Cycle of Worth/Value Wound:
the cycle of the worth/value wound can start with not feeling seen on some level. In order to cope with that, we might slip into a behavior pattern known as people pleasing and/or gaining approval. This pattern of behavior might look like, doing more, being more, giving more, etc. which feeds into the core belief, "I don't exist." This distorted belief then triggers the emotional wound of worth/value. Most people don't usually want to touch that sore spot so, we take matters into our own hands. We work harder, do more, be more, give more, and sometimes, even to our own detriment. We push and push, trying to "make it happen" to "fix it" or to just "do" something. There's no rest in doing more; running on fumes, not having enough, doing enough, being enough. It's exhausting. It depletes and distorts our energy, creating feelings of insecurity and stress or moods like anxiety and depression. If we're always doing and never being, we don't rest. Rest gives us space to create and when we feel safe, okay to be who we are, we can rest deeply.

The creative process is our capacity for magic. It is a true freedom in expression and natural abilities. When we rest, creative energy aligns and expresses itself through the power of creation. A baby in the womb is a great example of this. A baby developing in the womb does absolutely nothing but simply rests while, the creative process creates itself into a full fletched human being. If the baby tried to "do" or "fix" and involve itself in any way, it would just create unnecessary work and exhaust itself in the process. It doesn't work. It's not effective and in fact, it complicates an intelligent process already in action. But somehow, we think or believe if we stop working hard, something will not be okay or even worse, that something might be wrong with us. Over-efforting and over-striving creates tension, stress, insecurity, and seizes the self, better known as anxiety. It also corrupts the creative process, freezing any potential for creation. When we don't feel safe, our neurology shifts into survival mode, building consistent levels of stress that sustains overtime. Unresolve stress gets trapped in the body and that chaotic energy containment, leaves us feeling ungrounded; we fight, freeze, or flee. A desperate response to trauma on repeat that continues the emotional wound cycle.

"We all want to feel centered and safe, 
yet the ways we're trying to get there are
actually creating more stress."

Feeling grounded in the body is key. It's a form of showing up for ourselves and a greater overall feeling of support. When feelings of insecurity arise or moods like anxiety peek through, we can ground ourselves by coming into the body. We can pause, connect, breath deeply into our presence in the present and notice how the body communicates through us. What are the sensations? Where does your body direct your mind for attention or insight? Does your breath create space inside you or is it constricted and stuck? This is how we emotionally support ourselves. We can also physically ground ourselves by noticing what it feels like when our body is supported from the outside; on the earth, in a chair, bed, car seat. Grounding is about supporting ourselves deeply, inside and out. We can learn to relax deeply inside the body and the mind rather than the tendency to run on urgency. We can deeply listen to what's actually going on in our body and support ourselves in ways that create a safe place for us to land. We can show up for ourselves by just being and the more we can practice and anchor into that, the more we can understand we are inherently good and okay.

You are safe to be exactly who we are and were created to be.
This is the gift of personal worth and value. 

MINDFUL BREATHING PRACTICE
Focus on the exhale:
The exhale reminds us that we don't have to keep it all together, hold it all up, get it all done or be more. In the release of your breath, the exhale reminds us we can let go, one moment at a time.

Love,
Jennifer
- Healing through Compassion